Thursday, September 10, 2009

I am so frightened...

Ok, back history. When I was pregnant with Ella our maternal serum came back positive for spina bifida. Thank the Good Lord it was a false positive and she was perfect. But the doctor said the test could also mean she might stop growing. So I had an ultra sound every few weeks for the remaining 20 weeks. A couple times I was asked by the u/s tech. if I had ever been told I had fibroids. When I said "no", they would just say "ok" and continue on. I made the mistake of telling my RNP this when I had my annual check-up this year.

Flash forward to today. I've had a full pelvic ultra sound. They call in the doctor a couple times. He tells me I have endometriosis and a ovarian cyst and will need a reference to an OB/GYN. Fine. People tell me not to worry, the doctor I saw just likes to be thorough and sends people for tests all the time. Next thing I know, I'm hearing from my RNP's office that he also wants a chest x-ray and a pelvic CT Scan. AND I have to do the u/s again because it's at a different hospital. And I have to drink some kind of crap (pardon my language) for the CT scan and be there for 3 hours.

I'm just beside myself. I'm home alone. I don't know when Colin will be home. I'm terrified it's something terrible and I will die. I don't want to leave Ella and Colin! Ella wouldn't even be able to remember me. I know God will take care of everything, but I am so frightened.


Kimberly said...

Well, I will pray for your health and that what ever they are searching for is non-life threatening or non existant.

Paula said...

I've had a good talk with Colin and feel calmer now -at least I've stopped crying :] I have to wait until Thursday to even find out what they are looking for, if anything. Wouldn't it be a kicker if this was just the doctor being "thorough"!!

Niki RuralWritings said...

Keeping you in my prayers, Paula.

It could very well the dr. being thorough as you said, or sometimes they see something of interest and then upon further investigation it's nothing, so please try to keep this in mind and don't be up all night!


Dawn said...

Will be praying for you.

Remember not to get ahead of yourself now.
The Bible tells us we are not to worry about tomorrow, but to worry about today...i.e. take one day at a time.
Who knows, the LORD can return before next Thursday (huge possibility in reality) and all this worrying will be done for nothing.

God knows how to take care of His children and He knows how to take care of you.

Take your fear to the foot of Calvary and leave it there. Don't pick it back up.

Praying for you dear one!

~ Dawn

Paula said...

Thanks Ladies

I try not to worry, but my mind/imagination runs away with me. I am feeling so much better today.

Magdalena said...

I find it so heartening how we all ecnurage each other. I just commented on your latest post, but I am going to put my head down right now and pray for you, that you won't have to carry this fear!

Paula said...

I truly don't know what I'd do without my internet friends.

Vera said...

If you want to talk about it .........I went trough the same thing.

You can leave a private message

Be strong